


To be alright

by Ailendolin



Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Jurassic Park Original Trilogy (Movies), Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Cartoon)
Genre: And neither is Kenji, Ben's not doing so well, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Trauma, ben needs a hug, billy needs a hug, boys dealing with their trauma, kenji needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailendolin/pseuds/Ailendolin
Summary: “We need to talk to you about Isla Sorna,” Kenji said rather bluntly.Ben winced when Dr. Brennan’s previously open expression closed off.“No, you don’t,” he said firmly, pulling his hand from Ben’s grip as if he’d been burnt.A year after they were rescued, Ben's still plagued by nightmares. Kenji takes him on a road trip to Montana to find the one person who might be able to help Ben put what happened to him on Isla Nublar behind him once and for all.
Relationships: Billy Brennan/Alan Grant, Kenji Kon/Ben Pincus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	To be alright

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic just after season 1 aired because the idea of my two favorite characters in the franchise meeting and talking about their shared trauma was too tempting to ignore. I got stuck halfway through and wasn't able to finish it until now. Because of that, this fic doesn't take anything that happened in season 2 into account. This is basically my pre-season 2 take on what could have happened to Ben after the monorail and the consequences of his fall. 
> 
> **Warnings:** One instance of light swearing. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Cretaceous, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World or any of the characters associated with these franchises and I don't make any money with this.

**To be alright**

„Kenji?” Ben asked quietly as he nervously fiddled with the hem of his blue shirt, leaving it slightly crinkled. “What if this isn’t a good idea?”

Kenji stopped in the middle of the hallway to look back at him over his shoulder. The look on his face was neither angry nor impatient as Ben had thought it might be. Instead, Kenji simply smiled and retraced his steps until he was standing in front of Ben.

“We didn’t take a road trip across half the country just to see the, admittedly, great museum exhibits Montana has to offer, Ben,” he said gently. To Ben’s surprise, he placed his hand on Ben’s shoulder, reassuring and grounding. “Relax,” he said and warmth spread down Ben’s arm and chest. “You worry too much. The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn’t want to talk to us – in which case we’ll just leave. No harm done.”

“We could leave right now,” Ben suggested halfheartedly.

Kenji’s smile softened. “Or we could find the right door and just see what happens,” he said. “Look, I get that you’re nervous, but even if he turns us away you’ll at least know you’ve tried.”

Ben sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“You guess?” Kenji gave him an affronted look. “I am _always_ right and you know it.”

Ben wouldn’t go that far but the comment made him smile nonetheless – and that was probably exactly what Kenji had intended if the answering grin on his face was any indication, Ben thought. Not for the first time was he glad to have Kenji in his life.

He felt a gentle tug on his hand and allowed Kenji to pull him forward. They continued down the hallway and as he stared at the name plates on the office doors they were passing Ben both hoped and dreaded to find one that was familiar.

In the end, it was Kenji who spotted it first.

“Ben! Over here!”

The door was just like all the other doors in the hallway – wooden, old and a little worse for wear, and closed. In small brass letters, a name declared who the office belonged to: _Dr. Billy Brennan_

Ben gulped. This was it. This was the moment everything since the _Pteranodon_ attack on the monorail had led up to. After weeks, after _months_ of trying to survive on Isla Nublar on their own followed by a year of physical therapy and nightmares that refused to stop, he was finally standing in front of the door of the only person in the world he hoped might be able to help him – the only person who could possibly relate to what he had gone through.

He felt Kenji’s hand on his shoulder again and tore his gaze away from the name plate.

“Ready?” Kenji asked in a quiet voice.

Ben shook his head no, shot Kenji a quick, wobbly smile that probably looked as frail as he felt, and knocked on the door three times in rapid succession before he could change his mind. The sound seemed to echo down the hallway and Ben winced, feeling like the whole museum must have heard it.

His heart was beating so loudly in his chest, pounding in his ears, that he almost missed the soft reply that came from behind the door. “Come in.”

Ben took a deep breath and carefully pushed the door open.

It was now or never.

He stepped into the room, glad that Kenji was right behind him and had his back just like he always had since Ben knew him, and finally laid eyes on the person he’d been thinking about almost constantly for the past two months. Dr. Brennan sat behind his desk, blue shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows and fingertips hovering in mid-air above the keyboard of his laptop. He peered at Ben over his glasses, a look of mild curiosity on his face, and Ben was struck by how young he looked.

_No, not young,_ he thought. _Boyish._

Dr. Brennan was in his forties, that much he knew from the museum website, and yet he didn’t look that much different from the few pictures that dated back to the time of the Isla Sorna incident Ben had found of him online. There were a few more lines on Dr. Brennan’s face but they looked more like laughter lines than signs of ageing, and his eyes were bright and inquisitive. There was no sign at all of the storm Ben felt raging inside himself when he looked at Dr. Brennan. Had he not known about what happened on Isla Sorna, Ben would never have thought that he and Dr. Brennan shared a similar trauma.

“How can I help you two?” Dr. Brennan asked when the silence stretched too long.

Bravely, Ben limped forward and held out his hand. “I’m Ben Pincus and this is Kenji Kon,” he said. “We’re here because I … because …”

The words suddenly got stuck in his throat. He was scared to offend Dr. Brennan with what he came to say, to screw this up before he even got the chance to explain. Fear take hold of him with an icy grip, paralyzing him, and no matter how hard he grasped for the right words Ben couldn’t find them.

Luckily, Kenji had no such trouble explaining why they were here.

“We need to talk to you about Isla Sorna,” he said rather bluntly.

Ben winced when Dr. Brennan’s previously open expression closed off.

“No, you don’t,” he said firmly, pulling his hand from Ben’s grip as if he’d been burnt.

_This isn’t how it’s supposed to go_ , Ben thought helplessly. _It’s all wrong._

He looked at Kenji, silently begging him to fix this somehow.

“Listen – “ Kenji began but Dr. Brennan cut him off with a sharp shake of his head.

“No, _you_ listen,” Dr. Brennan said. “Whatever you came here for – _forget it_. I haven’t talked to anyone about Isla Sorna in over fifteen years and I’m not about to start talking about it now.” He looked both Ben and Kenji up and down, a look of thinly veiled disgust on his face. “Especially not for some school newspaper or – or _blog_ or something.”

Ben felt tears prick his eyes as he realized that he had been wrong about coming here. Utterly wrong. Even after all this time, the island hadn’t let Dr. Brennan go. It still had its claws in him, keeping a firm hold, refusing to be forgotten. He knew that haunted look on Dr. Brennan’s face intimately – saw it every day when he looked into the mirror - and he hated that he was responsible for putting it there. He might have come here in the hope that Dr. Brennan would be able to help him make peace with the past but seeing those wide, fearful eyes made it painfully clear that Dr. Brennan had no idea how to do that.

The implications of that scared Ben more than he could say. He didn’t want to be stuck like this for the rest of his life, haunted and lost. He didn’t want to feel phantom talons in his shoulders every day and shrink away from every shadow that fell upon him. He didn’t want to be scared of something as simple and ridiculous as a _name_. 

_How had Dr. Brennan managed to live like this for all these years?_ he wondered. _Had his nightmares gotten better over time, even a little bit?_ _How could he stand to sit here in this office every day, surrounded by the fossil remains of the very animals that had ruined his life, pretending he was fine when he obviously was not?_

Ben took in the fierce blue eyes that stared at him, the angry face, the harsh breaths, and thought: _Maybe I’m not the only one who needs help._

Emboldened by that thought, Ben took a deep breath and put his hands down on Dr. Brennan’s desk. He found the man’s gaze and held it.

“We’re not here because of a blog,” he said more calmly than he felt. “We are here because I got attacked by _Pteranodon_ at Jurassic World and still wake up screaming every night.”

Dr. Brennan blinked at him for a moment, clearly not comprehending Ben’s words at first. Then his eyes widened in shock and the anger drained from his face like a summer storm that swiftly passed over fields. He sank back into his chair, his face suddenly pale, and looked from Ben to Kenji and back again. “What?” he rasped out.

Ben took that as his cue to go on. “Fifteen months ago, we were the first kids at Camp Cretaceous – a summer camp at Jurassic World. There were six of us, and when the island got evacuated, we got left behind. I –”

He shook his head and looked away, unable to go on. Even after all this time, it still felt impossible to put what had happened to him into words. It had taken him weeks to talk to Kenji about it, months to open up to his therapist once they got rescued and were able to go home. His own _mom_ still didn’t know the details to this day.

But Dr. Brennan deserved to know the truth, deserved to know that he wasn’t the only one.

“Ben was pulled out of the monorail by those flying things while we were trying to make it to the boats,” Kenji explained softly. He came to stand next to Ben, his presence warm and reassuring to Ben’s left. “He … he fell. I don’t know how far up we were but one moment he was there and the next he was gone. The … the _Pteranodon_ , they caught him mid-air and … and they _fought_ over him.”

Ben swallowed around the lump in his throat as memories of beaks and talons and Kenji’s glassy eyes flashed through his mind. “They broke my fall. It’s probably what saved my life,” he said hoarsely.

Kenji nodded unhappily. “We found him a few days later, badly hurt.”

Dr. Brennan’s eyes shifted from Ben’s face to his limp. Ben hated how obvious it was, how it drew people’s gazes wherever he went as if his leg was the worst of his problems. But then Dr. Brennan’s eyes moved up to his shoulders and for a second Ben held his breath because Dr. Brennan – Dr. Brennan looked at him like he _knew_ what lay hidden beneath Ben’s shirt, like he knew _exactly_ how deep Ben’s trauma went. And when he unconsciously reached for his own shoulder with a trembling hand, Ben suddenly knew why. Dr. Brennan had his own set of scars left by taloned feet over a decade ago that he hid beneath layers of clothes. The realization made Ben’s heart ache in sympathy.

“I’m sorry,” Dr. Brennan whispered, slowly lowering his hand from his shoulder. His fingers curled around the edge of his desk instead in a white-knuckled grip when he met Ben’s gaze again. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

Ben offered him a shaky smile despite the nausea he was feeling as his own scars twinged with the ghosts of memories. “Likewise.”

His hand itched to reach out, to relieve some of the pain even though he knew all too well that it wasn’t possible. Before his instincts could take over, Kenji’s fingers wrapped themselves around his hand and held on tight. The gesture didn’t stop the pain but it was enough to draw Ben’s attention away from it and break the vicious cycle.

He shot Kenji a grateful smile. “Thanks.”

Kenji’s eyes softened and he nodded. Dr. Brennan watched the exchange silently and when Ben drew his gaze away from Kenji he was surprised to see a small smile on his face instead of the anguished expression that had been there before.

“It is good that you have someone,” Dr. Brennan said quietly, almost to himself – and Ben, despite all the things he had faced on Isla Nublar, felt himself blush at the insinuation.

He resolutely didn’t look at Kenji when he asked, “Did you? Have someone, I mean? After you came back.”

Dr. Brennan’s eyes flicked to a door on Ben’s left that Ben hadn’t noticed before. It was as plain as the office door and held no name.

“I did, and I still do. To be honest, I … I wouldn’t know what to do without him,” Dr. Brennan confessed. He tore his eyes away from the door and nodded at their still clasped hands. “You’d do well to hold onto that.”

Ben had no idea if Dr. Brennan was addressing him or Kenji but judging by the reassuring squeeze to his hand Kenji had no plans of leaving him any time soon. Without thinking, Ben squeezed back, and he felt warmth pooling in his stomach and spreading to the very tips of his fingers when Kenji smiled at him just as softly as he used to do on Isla Nublar when they were watching the stars at night and the world narrowed down to just the two of them – no dinosaurs, no flying monsters, no terror. Just them. Ben and Kenji. 

And just like then Ben found it hard to look away from Kenji’s face right now. It took Dr. Brennan gently clearing his throat for him to finally blink out of his trance and tear his eyes away from the universe he swore he saw glittering in Kenji’s eyes.

“Why me?” Dr. Brennan asked quietly. “Why now?”

“Because he’s not getting better,” Kenji said before Ben had even the chance to gather his thoughts. “He’s getting _worse_ even though we’ve been back for over a year now and it should be over.” A little desperately he added, “Right? It should be over.”

To Ben’s surprise, Dr. Brennan pushed his chair back with a heavy sigh. He rounded his desk and put his hand on Kenji’s shoulder.

“It’s never going to be over. Not for him, not for you and not for me.” he said solemnly, something Ben had known deep in his heart the moment he opened his eyes after his fall and found himself alone and hurt in a jungle full of dinosaurs. He knew Kenji was still struggling with accepting that, though, even after all this time. It was written all over his face now, and Dr. Brennan would have been blind not to see it. “I’m sorry,” he added. “I know that’s not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.”

“Then what do we do?” Kenji asked desperately. “He can’t go on like this. _I_ can’t go on like this.”

The soft admission made Ben’s heart stop and it felt like someone had pulled a rug out from under his feet. When he turned to look at his friend it felt like he was seeing Kenji for the first time.

“Kenji,” he whispered. “You never said – I … I never _knew_ –“

Kenji looked at him, his eyes a little wild and helpless. “What? That I hate seeing you like this? Is it not obvious?” he asked. “Ben, it _breaks my heart_ every time you call me in the middle of the night because you can’t breathe and don’t want to wake your mom. Or when you smile even though I know you’re in pain. All of us – we got to put the island behind us but you? You didn’t. You’re still stuck there and that’s … that’s not fair,” he finished with a broken whisper. “It’s not fair.”

Kenji’s face, more open and vulnerable than Ben had ever seen it, not even when they reunited on Isla Nublar against all odds, swam before Ben’s eyes as unbidden tears blurred his vision. He tried to blink them away, tried to be strong for Kenji like Kenji had been for him all this time, but it was a losing battle.

“Life’s not fair, Kenji,” he choked out. “It never has been.”

“But it should be!” Kenji insisted. He sniffled and wiped his own eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. “You deserve more than _this_.” He made a vague gesture at all of Ben and Ben knew exactly what he meant with it: the nightmares, the scars and the pain. “You deserve to be _happy_.”

Hearing that last word, said in quiet desperation, broke something in Ben. He reached for Kenji’s other hand to hold that too, and his heart felt close to bursting when he whispered “But I am.”

“What?” Kenji breathed out, not understanding.

Ben squeezed his hands. “Kenji,” he said softly, “every time we talk over the phone, every time we see each other, I’m happy. Spending time with you is the best part of my days.”

Kenji blinked at him in surprise. “It is?”

Ben choked out a laugh. “Of course it is! Why do you think I call you and not one of the others when I have nightmares?”

Kenji looked away. “I … I don’t know,” he murmured – not because he wasn’t getting it, Ben was sure, but because he didn’t dare to believe what Ben was trying to tell him.

“Because they’re not you,” Ben told him quietly. He pressed their clasped hands against his wildly beating heart. “The others are great but you … you’ve always been different. Even back at camp, when we’d just met, there was just something about you that made me feel –“

He struggled to find the right word, unable to describe the endless facets of all he felt every time he looked at Kenji.

“Safe,” Dr. Brennan spoke softly into the silence. They both turned to look at him, having almost forgotten that he was there. “He makes you feel safe.”

“Yes,” Ben whispered, looking back at Kenji as he remembered a hundred different moments where a touch or a look from him had been enough to calm the panic and worry that churned in his gut. “You do.”

Dr. Brennan’s lips twitched with the beginnings of an understanding smile. “I know you came here looking for help and if you still want that, I will give you my number so you can call me whenever you need someone to talk to.” His eyes softened. “But to be honest? I don’t think you need me. You already have someone who’s willing to listen right here.”

To Ben’s surprise, Kenji shook his head in disagreement. “We’ve tried that! It’s not good enough. _I’m_ not good enough.”

“Kenji, no –“ Ben begins only for Kenji to interrupt him.

“It’s true!” he said, finally letting go of one of Ben’s hands to rake his fingers through his hair. “We’re talking almost every night and it hasn’t done shit, Ben. The nightmares haven’t stopped.”

“And they won’t,” Dr. Brennan interjected before Kenji could go on – something for which Ben was immensely grateful. He never thought he’d hear Kenji talking about himself like that, as if he didn’t matter when the exact opposite was true. “They never will. What happened to your friend is a part of him now. It will never go away. But,” Dr. Brennan added, more gently, “it will get easier with time. That much I can promise. The nightmares will happen less frequently, the scars will fade in a few years and there will be days when it feels like the past never happened at all. And you know why? Because you were there for him. You were there and listened and held his hand through it all.”

Kenji froze. He glanced down at his hand, the one still holding onto Ben and not currently gripping his hair, and Ben had to bite his lip to keep his emotions under control when he saw Kenji’s eyes widen in tentative hope.

“You really believe that?” Kenji breathed.

Dr. Brennan shook his head. “I don’t believe,” he said. Then his eyes crinkled in fond amusement. “I’m a scientist. I _know_.” He leaned against his desk and exhaled softly. “Those islands – they never let you leave whole. Alan – Dr. Grant,” he corrected himself. “He still has nightmares about the raptors from Jurassic Park. Dr. Sattler as well. For Dr. Malcolm and Dr. Harding it’s the _T. rex_.”

His eyes met Ben’s and Ben nodded in understanding. “And for us it’s the _Pteranodon_.”

“Yes,” Dr. Brennan said with a nod. “And that’s okay. You will have bad days and that’s okay, too. I … I struggled with that a lot, back then, you know? With accepting that I wasn’t alright, and that it was okay that I wasn’t.” His eyes seemed to look into Ben’s very soul when he said, “Ben, it’s okay not to be fine. Doesn’t matter if a month, a year, or a decade has gone by – it’s always okay not to be alright.”

The words lifted a huge weight off his chest, and for the first time in over a year Ben wasn’t ashamed of the tears he felt welling up in his eyes. He blinked and let them fall, let someone else witness his pain, and Dr. Brennan’s soft smile was the last thing he saw before Kenji’s arms drew him against his warm chest and held him close.

“He’s right,” Ben heard Kenji murmur. “I don’t care how many nights we spend on the phone. It’s okay to need that, and I will be there for as long as you’ll let me.”

“Always,” Ben whispered before his brain could catch up with his mouth.

Kenji, as easily as he seemed to do everything else in life, just held him tighter. “Yeah, I can do that,” he murmured.

When they broke apart again, Ben’s face was wet with tears but he felt better than he had in months. He smiled at Kenji and when Kenji’s cheeks darkened he itched to reach out and trace the color with his fingertips.

“Thank you, Kenji,” he whispered. Turning to Dr. Brennan, he said, “And thank you as well. I know we kind of barged in here earlier and dredged up a lot of bad memories but I … I’m glad you listened, Dr. Brennan.”

Dr. Brennan smiled kindly at the both of them. “Would you still like to have my number?”

Before Ben could nod Kenji said, “Yes, we would.”

Dr. Brennan let out an amused chuckle before he turned around and scribbled down his cellphone number on a piece of paper. Ben used the moment to look at Kenji and found him already staring back, his eyes alive with something that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe it had been, and Ben had just been too blind to see it until now. It was a promise, a quiet reassurance that they were in this together, and for the first time since they left Isla Nublar, Ben felt like he could weather all the storms inside him as long as Kenji kept looking at him like that.

“Here you go,” Dr. Brennan said, turning back around and handing Ben the piece of paper with his number on it. “You can call or text me anytime. And I mean that, you two. Anytime.”

Ben smiled and tucked the paper into his pocket. “Thank you, Dr. Brennan.” He held out his hand. “For everything.”

Dr. Brennan shook first his and then Kenji’s hand. “You two never truly needed me but … you’re welcome,” he said. “I’m glad I could help.”

He led them to the door and when Ben looked at him one last time, he was glad to see the haunted look completely gone from Dr. Brennan’s face.

“See you soon, Doc,” Kenji said with a wave and a soft grin.

Dr. Brennan’s chuckle followed them all the way down the hall. “See you, kid.”

Just before they rounded the corner, the door next to Dr. Brennan’s office opened and a familiar face poked its head out. “Who was that?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you over dinner?” Ben could hear Dr. Brennan say before he followed Dr. Grant into his office and closed the door.

Ben smiled, happy that Dr. Brennan wasn’t alone. A moment later he felt Kenji’s curious gaze on him. “What?” Ben asked.

“Nothing,” Kenji said with a shrug. “It’s just … it’s nice to see you smile again.”

Bravely, Ben squeezed his hand. “I’m glad we came here, Kenji.”

Kenji nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

Later, after they had dinner, they would sit on Kenji’s bed in their hotel room and watch tv. Kenji would open his arms and Ben wouldn’t hesitate to crawl into them and rest his head on Kenji’s shoulder. His own bed would remain empty that night and whatever nightmares usually plagued him would be chased away by softly murmured words and gentle touches.

Across town, right on the outskirts of the city, two men would fall asleep the same way, an old, tattered hat resting on the headrest above them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little fic of mine! Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)
> 
> I would like to thank everyone who commented or left kudos on my other Ben / Kenji story [Good](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29087673)! I'm so happy you all liked it so much! 
> 
> You can also find me [here](https://ailendolin.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you'd like to chat or say hello.


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